


How To Overcome (Clexa AU)

by WritingToOvercome



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - The 100 (TV) Fusion, Anya & Lexa (The 100) Are Siblings, Childhood Trauma, Clexa, F/F, Linctavia - Freeform, Past Child Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, The 100 - Freeform, The 100 Femslash, f/f - Freeform, ranya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-09-15 08:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9225848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingToOvercome/pseuds/WritingToOvercome
Summary: A story in which two woman, Clarke and Lexa, try to find a way to overcome their past and the things they've been through. Their paths cross in a time that they need each other, but are they both strong enough to accept that.





	1. Intro

How is it that the world is so harsh? The expectations, the judgement, the silent hate toward one another. How is it that the nature that created us, is now being destroyed by us. So many question that cannot and will not be answered. She doesn’t understand it though. For years she has wandered around, looking for answers that she didn’t get. The answers she is still looking for and still hasn’t found the answer to.

Lexa is so rapt round her own mind that she doesn’t hear the warning before she meets the concrete. Looking up she only sees a man, a man who is doubting if he should help her or not. She makes the decision for him. She stand up and walks away without giving him another glance of her face. As she walks down the busy streets of the city she comes face to face with a wall. There’s a poem written in very small letters.

> _**you, with all your different voices** _  
>  _**you, drowning in your own lies you,** _  
>  _**you, who made all the wrong choices** _  
>  _**you, you’re not hearing any of our cries** _  
>    
>  _**you, with your unexpected behaviour** _  
>  _**you, for you walked away from your own** _  
>  _**you, thinking you were our saviour** _  
>  _**you, the only one I could rely on, the only thing I’ve known** _

She can’t help but stare at it. How could it be, that someone she doesn’t know, found a way to describe how she feels so well. All the hurt, lost, anger and confusion this person feels, is whirling around in her own mind as well. Even though it is such a long time ago, for her it seems like yesterday.

**_Flashback ten years ago  
_ ** _‘’Daddy please don’t, please! I’m so sorry Daddy, so sorry.’’ A five year old Lexa says. She doesn’t have the courage to look up, not knowing what I waiting on her if she does. She feels and smells the breath of a man she used to adore and used to love. She looks up and comes face to face with her father. ‘’I promise you Daddy, it wasn’t me. ‘’ ‘’Who did It then huh?! Your sister? I will teach her a lesson!’’ Her father yells her way. Before she has a chance to react she hears him walk away. Her mind is racing, she know her sister was the one who did it, but she also knows the consequences her sister has to face is she is the one who get the blame. She runs to her father and clamps her body around his leg. ‘’Please don’t hurt her. She didn’t do it.’’ Her father stops walking and pushes her of his leg. ‘’What are you trying to say? Are you the one who did it?! And I thought you were the smart one..’’ She tries to run away but it is too late. She feels the hands of her father wrap around her hair and drag her into her room. She closes her eyes, because she already knows what is coming._

She opens her eyes and faces the wall again. Afraid of forgetting the words she takes a picture, even though she already know every single word of the poem. She walks away and tries not to look back, knowing it will stir up memories from the past.

 

* * *

 

  
She’s sitting on a bench in the park. Feeling the sun burning on her skin as she’s trying to forget what happened on this day 4 years ago. She’s overwhelmed by everything around her. The sun, the nature, the birds and the people. It is all so overwhelming that she can’t control her emotions. Before she realises she’s crying she already feels her cheeks getting wet by her tears. She closes her eyes and tries to control her breathing. She knows she has to visit their graves. It’s a promise she made to herself. If she doesn’t do it, the feelings will haunt her. If she does do it, the feelings will haunt her. Why is everything so fucked up?! People look up and look at her in a weird way. Damn, did she say that out loud?

She stood up and started walking towards the cemetery. Maybe she should call Raven, she decides to do it. After a few rings she gets an answer.  
‘’Baddest bitch ever speaking.’’ Clarke starts crying when she hears Ravens voice. ‘’Raven?’’ ‘’Fuck, Clarke. Is everything okay? Why are you crying?’’ Raven asks.   
Clarke is shaking her head profoundly. ‘’I can’t do it Raven. I can’t.’’  
Visions of the accident flashed through her mind as she sobbed. She couldn’t see anything because of the tears so she stopped walking.  
‘’Shh, everything will be alright Clarke. Just breath. Count with me. 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. breath in. 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. breath out. 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. breath in. 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. breath out. Count with me Clarke.''  
Clarke started to count with raven out loud. ‘’1.. 2.. 3.. 4.., 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.., 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. ,1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. ‘’  
She started to feel her breath become less panicked, Raven’s voice helped her relax.  
‘’Are you okay Clarke?’’ Raven asks. Clarke started drying her tears and continued walking.  
‘’Yes, I’m fine. Thank you. I’ll be home by six.’’ She hung up. How could she be so stupid? Raven doesn’t need her bullshit too.

She started walking towards her wall. She painted it just after the accident. It helped her accept the fact that they’re gone and are not coming back. you, with all your different voices you, drowning in your own lies you, you who made all the wrong choices you, you're not hearing any of our cries. You, with your unexpected behaviour you, for you walked away from your own you, thinking you were our saviour you, the only one I coulee rely on, the only thing I've known It has been a while. The last time she came here was the last time she visited their graves. Exactly a year ago. She hasn’t had the courage to visit the grave since then. She rounds the corner and enters the cemetery. Even though it has been a year, she knows where she has to be to visit the graves. The graves of her parents and Finn.


	2. back again

**Lexa p.o.v.**

 

Again I find myself seated at this table. But only for different circumstances. It has been a while, but Anya told me it would be a good idea to go back again.

‘’So Lexa, it’s good to see you again. How have you been?’’ My therapist asks.  
‘’Well, I’ve obviously felt better, otherwise I wouldn’t be here, would I?’’  
My therapist laughs ‘’That’s true, but if I may ask. What made you come back here, after such a long time.’’

I could just answer him with the answer he probably expected, because I always gave him this answer. ‘Because Anya told me to. ’ But if I gave him that answer I would be lying. I didn’t come back just because Anya told me to, but because a feeling deep inside of me told me that this was something I had to do for myself. To maybe stop the uneasy feeling I have been having for days, to stop the nightmares that have returned, to stop the tears from flowing when nobody was watching.

‘’I don’t really have an answer for you sir, I am sorry. I just had a feeling that coming back here would maybe help with everything that I have been feeling the last couple of days.’’  
He seems surprised, but after that he smiled. ‘’Please Lexa, I have told you many, many times before. You may call me Jaïr.’’ I smiled back at him.

‘’So Lexa, maybe it’s an idea to start with the problem. What has been bothering you these past days?’’ He asks. I shift uncomfortably. When it comes to talking I’m not the easiest.  
‘’ I uh, I have been nightmares again.’’  
‘’Could you be a bit more precise Lexa? What kind of nightmares?’’ Jaïr asked.

‘’Uh, well if I think about now, you can’t really call them nightmares. They’re more like flashbacks. Flashbacks from what happened with my father, and what happened with Costia.’’

Jaïr nodded and started writing down some notes.  
‘’It is possible, that you tell me one of your nightmares?’’

I don’t dare to look up. I know that he’ll see the tears that already fell down. I try to steady my breathing before telling him the nightmare I had had that night.

 **_Flashback / nightmare  
_ ** _This is the first time in a long time that I’ve genuinely felt happy. I only have one person to thank for that. Costia. God, I love her so much. I never thought that I would be able to feel this happy again. She doesn’t push me to talk, she doesn’t judge me. She’s just there for me. She loves me as much as I love her, and I am so grateful for that. I feel a slight push against my shoulder. I look up. Costia is laughing in my face. I pretend to be annoyed. ‘’What?’’_

 _‘’Ahh, don’t be that way Lex, you know I was just joking. You should’ve seen your face. I was like you weren’t even here anymore’’._  
_I blush and look down._  
_‘’You don’t have to blush babe, you know I love that about you. One moment you’re talking to me and enjoying everything around you and the other moment you’re totally oblivious to everything around you. Like you’re in your own world. It’s super cute.’’ I push her._  
_‘’I am not cute. I don’t do cute, if I may say it. I am a total badass’’ Costa nods seriously._

_''That's true Lexa, you are indeed a total badass.’’ After that she starts laughing but I silence her with a kiss. The moment our lips meet everything around me goes on mute. I can hear nothing but my heart that is pounding, and the only thing that I feel is her hands on my face and her lips on my lips. Even though this is not the first kiss we shared, it hasn’t felt any better or less than our last kisses._

_Because I was so lost in the moment I didn’t hear the door downstairs and the stomping of angry feet on the stairs. Before I had the chance to come back to my senses it was already too late, there was my father. I was just quick enough to prevent him from hitting Costia. I jumped on him and let him fall on the ground._  
_‘’RUN COSTIA, RUN!!’’ I saw the doubt and fear in her eyes so I yelled at her again. ‘’RUN!!’’_  
_She stood up and ran out of the room. I was just in time to duck so hist fist didn’t meet my face._  
_‘’What the fuck are you doing Alexandria?! Have I thought you nothing?! Bringing this disgusting sin into my home. I will show you how you should behave.’’_  
_Before I had a chance to react he threw me on my bad. This was the first time that he …._

_I tried to get off but he was stronger than me. Yelling for help wouldn’t’ be smart. I knew that nobody was there to help me and it would only make him angrier. I punched him in the face and tried to get of the bed. Bamm!! I felt something hard collide with my head and felt something could on my head. I tried to touch it but I hurt too much, I guess it was blood. Because I was so distracted by the pain I didn’t feel him tying me down. When I noticed it it was already too late. I couldn’t move anymore. I tried to stop him but I couldn’t do anything. I FELT EVERYTHING.  
When he was done he spit on me and said ‘’I hope this teaches you a lesson. I never ever want to see you with this girl again. Am I fucking clear?’’ The only thing that I could do was nod. After that everything went black. _

I can’t even breathe properly. I look up and see Jaïr standing up so he could comfort me.  
‘’Noo, don’t touch me!’’  
‘’Lexa, I am only trying to help you, you know that. Please just let me bandage your hands’’ he said.  I hadn’t even noticed that I had pressed me nails so hard onto my hands that they started to bleed. I stood up. ‘’No, thank you. I think that it is better that I leave.’’  
He nodded and took a step back.  
‘’I will see you next week Jaïr’’  
After that I stood up, took my bag and coat and ran out of the room. I couldn’t handle being there anymore. On my way out I almost ran into a woman. I didn’t even look up. ‘’I’m sorry’’ I heard a soft voice say, but I was already too far to say it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, here is chapter 2. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Again, feedback is always welcome. Thanks for reading my story :)


	3. new beginnings

**Clarke p.o.v.**

‘’I’m sorry’’ I say, as I accidently bump into someone on my way in. I don’t think she heard me though. Hmm… she was running, I wonder why. Because I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t notice the next person I bumped into.  
‘’Clarke, good to see you again. ‘’ the man says.   
‘’Oh, shit. I’m sorry Jaïr. I didn’t see you.’’ Jaïr's piercing eyes are looking for mine. I couldn’t look him in the eye. He always seemed to find out what was going through my mind by looking into my eyes. I don’t want people to have that kind of knowledge about me, without me giving them permission.  
He seemed to accept that and stopped searching for my eyes. ‘’Are you ready to start the session?’’ he asked. I started to build up my façade.  
‘’Uhm, I guess, it’s not like I’m here in my free will anyways. We should just get it over with.’’

 I hear him sigh as I walk past him into the room. I don’t want to disappoint him, I’m just not ready, I’m not ready to talk about what happened, not yet. I sit down on the couch and wait for Jaïr to ask his basic questions. Instead I find myself shifting uncomfortably under his intense gaze. Finally I can’t take it anymore and find myself locked in his gaze. Immediately my eyes start to get watery, so I cast my eyes down again.  
‘’It’s that bad, huh?’’  
Jaïr and I have a weird but special bond. I have been going to him on and off foralmost seven years, in those seven years I haven’t told him much though. I don’t know how to, without completely breaking down. Our relationship it totally platonic though. i haven't dated anyone since.... you know. Since the accident.  
I can’t seem to find the good words to answer, even though it’s a simple question. I just nod.  
I hear him sigh again, and he scribbles something down in his notebook.

He gives me a paper and a pencil. ‘’Could you draw something for me?’’

What the fuck? This is new. He has never asked that before. I guess he could see the confusion in my face because after that he said ‘’Just do it Clarke, I want you to draw what has been bothering you. Or what you're feeling right now. Anything that will help the process of you finally talking about what happened seven years ago.

Before I can even fully comprehend what he means, my hands have already started moving. I guess my hart already knows what she wants to draw. I put my full concentration in it and it feels like I have been drawing for hours. When I look at the clock I realise it has only been 30 minutes. Jaïr is sitting next to me, I hadn’t even noticed that he moved. He gives me a tissue. Withouth me noticing it, i haf started crying. When I look down to what I drew, I saw it were my parents and Finn.  
Jaïr wanted to say something but I interrupted him. ‘’Don’t. just leave me be please?'' He nodded and I startt pacing in the room.   
What the fuck is wrong with me, I can’t even steady my breathing and stop crying.

Suddenly the door opens and I’m face to face with the most beautiful green eyed creature I have ever seen.

 

* * *

 

**Lexa p.o.v.**

I stand before my car. ‘’Fuuckkkkk.’’ I forgot my fucking car keys. Maybe it’s better now though, I shouldn’t be driving feeling like this. I decide to go for a walk instead. Again I find myself standing in front of the same wall. Overtime I started to love the words this person wrote. At first I hated them, it reminded me too much. Too much about what happened in the past and the emotions that I feel. But now, now that I’m trying to overcome my fears and accept what happened, I find it encouraging. It helps me a little bit every time that I read it again.

I look down on my watch an realise it has already been half an hour. I should really get home, I’ve got a lot of things to do. When I reach Jaïr's office I didn’t hear a voice, but I heard somebody pacing. Because of that I assumed that it was only Jaïr that was in the room. I opened the door and stared into the most beautiful blue eyes I had ever seen.

 

* * *

 

**Clarke p.o.v.**

‘’Fuck, uhm, I’m s-s-sorry. I didn’t think anyone would be here.’’ The beautiful brunette says stuttering. She starts blushing because of it. ‘’Lexa.’’ Jaïr seemed surprised. ‘’What are you doing here?’’ In the mean time I started to dry my tears and sat back down on the couch. ‘’uhh,,, I forgot my car keys.’’ In that moment I saw her keys laying on the opposite end of the couch. I grabbed them, stood up and gave them to her. ‘’Here. ‘’

 In that moment she stared into my eyes, and I stared into hers. I could see all the pain that she went through. And I could see in her eyes that she saw the same in mine. Quickly she broke eye contact and gave me a shy smile. ‘’Thank you. I’m so sorry for bothering you.’’ She started walking away. ‘’It’s okay, I was actually leaving anyway.’’ She stared at me again. This time I was the one breaking eye contact. I grabbed my stuff and gave Jaïr a smile. He smiled back. ‘’I’ll see you in two weeks right?’’

rolled my eyes. ‘’Yes, Jaïr. I will be there, as always. See ya.’’  
I gave the women a shy smile and walked out of the room.

 

* * *

 

**Lexa p.o.v.**

When the woman walked out of the room I looked at Jaïr apologetically. ‘’I’m really sorry. I really didn’t know there was anybody here.’’ He smiled at me. ‘’It’s okay Lexa, I know you would never come into a room unannounced if you knew it wasn’t the right moment.’’  
I started walking towards the door. ‘’Thank you again, I will see you next week sir.’’  
Jaïr gave me a knowing look. ‘’’Shit, sorry. I’ll see you next week Jaïr.’’  
In that moment a pair of car keys came into my view. ‘’I guess Im not the only one forgetting their car keys.’’  
I walked to the couch and took them. ‘’I’ll give them to her. ‘’ Jaír gave me a knowing smile and winked at me. ‘’Ohh, shut up.’’ I said one final goodbye and walked out of the room. When I finally reached the parking lot I could see the blond beauty at the and near a black car. She was calling with somebody and slamming her fist onto her car.

I slowly walked towards her and when I was a few feet away from her she finally notice me. ‘’I’ve got to go O, I’ll see you when I get home okay? Tell Raven I’m sorry and that I love her.’’ I was silent for a while. ‘’I love you too O, see you in a bit.’’ After that she hung up.  
‘’Hey..’’  
‘’Hey, I uhh, I.. here. ‘’ I pushed the car keys into her hand. What the fuck Lexa. Ughh, what was that?!  
She laughed, but I could see that it was forced. ‘’I guess you’re not the only one forgetting their things, huh?’’ After that I gave her a shy smile.  
‘’Thank you for briging them, ….’’ She left an empty space after that, hoping I would give her my name.  
‘’Lexa, Lexa Woods.’’ She smiled.  
Well, Lexa Lexa Woods. I’m Clarke, Clarke Griffin.’’ She said  
‘’Nice to meet you Clarke Clarke Griffin.’’ She laughed at that. This time I could see it was a genuine laugh, and because of that I smiled.  
''It was nice meeting you Lexa Lexa, but I really have to get going. I hope I’ll see you again sometime.’’ In the meantime she had opened her door car and slowly stepped in her car.  
‘’Yeah, I’ll see you around, hopefully.’’  
She smiled at that and I gave her a soft smile in return.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, here I am with another update. I hope you'll enjoy reading it. As always, feedback is always appreciated. I any of you ever need to talk to anyone you can always send me a message. Till next time....


	4. The first step in the right direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys. I'm glad you're continuing reading my story ;) I do have a question for you guys though. This is my first fan fic ever and I don't really know how big a chapter is supposed to be.... Could some of you maybe send me a number of words a chapter contain of. Thanks you guys. Aside of that, feedback is always welcome.  
> thank you for reading my story, it feels amazing.

**Clarke p.o.v.**

As I drove away I could still see Lexa standing there. The thought of her and her lame jokes brought a smile to my face. But quickly after the thoughts dissapeared the smile dropped off of my face. I couldn’t let myself get distracted by somebody. The thoughts of the therapy session floodered through my head. I couldn’t believe that I would let it get so far. The fact that I drew…. That I drew them without noticing it myself…. I irritates me. Clearly I don’t have control over my emotions, even though I thought I had gotten better at hiding them.

Because of my unending flood of thoughts I hadn’t even noticed that I was close to my apartment. I parked the car under the building and reached the stairway in no time. My apartment was on the third floor, so I had to climb up a few stairs.

When I reached my front door I could already hear my two best friends yelling and laughing. That brought a smile to my face.  I have been a fucking pain I the ass. They don’t deserve my shit. I should really talk to them. But how? How can I tell them that after seven years I still can’t sleep at night? That I still resent the person that decided to get behind their fucking car in the night fucking drunk. I can’t believe it. Three of the most beautiful people in this world, people that I loved so much, gone because some fucked up person made, as they said it, ‘’ a mistake’’.

I pushed myself to make the next move and put my key into the door. I guess that O and Raven heard it because all the sound that came out of the living room suddenly stopped. The moment that I was inside and took of my coat I felt two strong arms hug me from behind. I instantly knew that it was Raven and I relaxed into her touch. I turned around and looked into her eyes, apologizing for my behaviour earlier. She gives me a smirk, and I know that I am already forgiven. I return her hug and enjoy the feeling of someone holding me. After she released me I got indulged in another hug, way more pressure and a smaller body. I smile as he return the hug.

‘’So, you decided to finally join us here, huh?’’ Raven said with a sarcastic smirk. I avoided eye contact. I knew that I had crossed a line. I hadn’t come home in three weeks. Today was the first day in three weeks that I spoke to them again. First on the phone with Raven, and now face to face.

I awkwardly scratched the back of my neck. ‘’I know….’’ I didn’t know what to say. Tears started to well up in my eyes and Octavia saw that.

‘’Raven, shut up! You know why she didn’t come home’’

She pushed Raven aside and tried to lead me to the couch. ‘’No, O, she’s right.’’

Octavia's eyes told me she was confused but also curious. I walked to the kitchen and made everybody some thee. When I returned to the living room, Octavia and Raven had already made themselves comfortable. I gave them both their cups of thee and decided to sit across from them.

Raven was looking at me expectantly. Even though she told me she forgave me, she still was hurt. And I knew that. I wanted to make that right. They didn’t deserve to be treated that way.  
I tried to come up with the right words the say, but they all got stuck in my throat. They both could see me struggling and Raven was the first was to speak up. But before she did I could see her eyes soften.

‘’It’s ok Clarke, we’re not mad at you. We were kinda hurt that you decided to disappear in the middle of the night and not show up for three weeks. We were fucking worried! But only a couple of hours after we found out that you were gone you texted us. So we knew that you were ok.’’

Tears started to well up in my eyes again. I could see that Raven and O were both struggling to not try to comfort me. I was glad that they didn’t. I need to do this.  
I looked them both in their eyes. Raven’s eyes were soft, gentle and encouraging. O’s eyes were gentle and encouraging as well, but mostly curious.

I stood up and decided to sit right in front of them. They both gave me encouraging smiles. And I decided in that moment that I could trust them. These girls have been there for me through thick and thin. So I started to speak out the battle I have been having inside of me.

I never told them exactly what happened. And I decided that now was the right time to tell them everything. They saw me struggling, trying to find the right words that would tell the story that I wanted to tell. I told them about everything about the accident. The drunken guy, the reason why Wells and I didn’t talk anymore, the process in the hospital, I told them everything.

The reason that they don’t know what happened is because I totally shut them out. I didn’t respond to any text or calls, and when I finally came home I never exactly told them what happened.  
When I was done I was met with a complete silence. Raven’s eyes were still the sane. I could clearly see shock in her eyes, but still mostly gentleness and encouragement. Octavia was completely in shock. But still I could see in her eyes that she felt for me.

Raven snapped out of her daze and crashed down the floor next to me and indulged me in a bone crushing hug. Not a second later O did exactly the same thing. I was being held by the two most important people in my life and I felt a sense of relieve flood through me. And that was the exact moment I let everything go.

I started crying uncontrollably and it lasted for a long fucking time. Through the whole thing Raven and Octavia never let me go. When I finally calmed down a bit Octavia stood up and walked to her room. I looked at Raven confused and she just shrugged.

Octavia returned with lots of blanket and cushions. I smiled because I already knew what her plan was. Raven too, because her famous smirk was back on her face and she began to wiggle her eyebrows. ‘’I call dibs on the couch and I get to pick the first movie!!!’’

O and I exchanged a glace with each other and Raven and we all burst out in laughter. We put all the blankets down, and started gossiping about everything that I had missed in the last couple of weeks.  
And I than moment I could see that bot Raven and Octavia had a kind of happiness in their eyes I hadn’t seen in a while. While Raven and Octavia were both babbling about bullshit things I interrupted them. ‘’Okay, spill the fucking beans. I know you’re both keeping something from me. Tell me what it is.’’ They both exchanged a glance and started smiling uncontrollably. Slowly Raven began talking about the woman she had met and the man Octavia had met, both in the same night.  
I couldn’t contain a grin from forming on my face and I listened to their stories until we all couldn’t keep our eyes open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are coming soon! And again, help me with the chapters. That way I know how much I have to write in one chapter.


	5. Hi.....?

**Lexa p.o.v.**

I’ve been home for a few hours now. It’s past midnight and I’ve been lying in bed for a long time. It seems that I just can’t get back to sleep. Honestly, today has been pretty eventful, in my eyes.  
I can’t seem to forget the beautiful blue eyed girl. I could she in her eyes she is hurting, and has been hurting for a long time. But still, they were the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. A shade of blue I’m sure I’ve never seen before. And her smile, ugh… Even though that I know her smiles weren’t genuine, she was trying too hard, they still made my hart swell.

Sunken into my own thoughts I’m startled to hear the door of my apartment being opened. My head's racing. Who the fuck is it? I sneak out of my bed and stand behind my door as I hear the intruder walk to my room. The door opens and I jump on them.

‘’Motherfucker!!’’  
I recognize that voice. ‘’Anya?!’’

I hear an angry an sarcastic laugh.  
‘’Who the fuck do you think it would be, Santa? Get the fuck of me!’’ she yells.

I get off of her. ‘’I’m sorry.’’

‘’It’s okay Lex. I know how you feel about things like this. I should’ve called you before I stopped by.’’ She said.  
I smiled at her and walked to my bed to sit on it. Just before I reached my bed she said  
‘’I’m dating Raven.’’

I turned around and saw an unsure look on her face, and I smiled .  
''I know Anya, you aren’t very subtle about it.

Her doubt washes away and she smiles.  
‘’But, I don’t think you came her barging through me door after midnight to tell me that, did you?’’

She rolled her eyes at my remark and smiles.  
‘’Well, actually, Lincoln and I have been talking about this for a while. We’d like you to meet Raven and Octavia. We’re meeting with them tomorrow, and we also get to meet their best friend. Are you in?’’  She looks at me with hope in her eyes.

Anya has never been of talking and showing emotions to others, but between is there are no barriers. As sisters we’ve been through hell and back, and we would do anything for each other.  
Honestly, I don’t like meeting new people. But I have already heard great stories about Octavia, because of Lincoln ofcourse. And I’m sure Raven is just as amazing, Anya doesn’t let her guard down to just anyone.

I smile at her. ‘’Ofcourse, An. You know I would do anything for you guys. And all seems kind of serious. I haven’t met any of your or Lincolns girlfriends, ever.’’  
Anya laughs at that. ‘’That’s totally true. ‘’ She throws all her stuff on the ground and sits beside of me.  
‘’Can I crash I tonight? I don’t feel like traveling all the way to my apartment now while it’s so late’’ she says.  
‘’Of course An, you don’t have to ask. Where we’re you all night anyway, before you decided to stop by.’’

She looks at me sheepishly but quickly recovers and smirks.  
I roll my eyes. ‘’Raven.’’  
She laughs at that and walk to my closet. I lay in bed and close my eyes. I feel the bed shift under Anya’s weight and I feel a sense of calm wash over me.  
''Goodnight An’’  
‘’Goodnight Lex.

 

* * *

 

I wake up to the smell of coffee and bacon and I smile. Anya always makes me breakfast when she decides to crash at my apartment. I get out of bed and walk to the kitchen where I find Anya behind the stove. I make myself a cup of coffee and seat myself at the table. A plate with bacon and eggs is pushed in front of me.  
‘’You’re welcome’’ Anya says, before disappearing into the bathroom.  
I smile, this is typically Anya.

The moment I take the last bite of my food the bathroom door opens and a showered Anya steps out.

‘’I have to go, but I’ll see you tonight right?’’ she asks

‘’Yeah, I’ll be there.’’

‘’Great.’’

She grabs her stuff and walk to the door.

‘’An?’’ I ask

‘’Yeah’’

‘’I kinda have to know where we’re meeting, and how late I have to be there, right?’’

Again she rolls her eyes at my remark.

‘’I have to go, but I’ll text you the details. We haven’t decided where and how late yet.’’

‘’Hmm…. Alright. I’ll see you tonight then.’’

‘’Yeah, byee.’’ She yells as she walk out of the front door.

I decide to take a shower. The day passes by as I do some things in my house. It’s Saturday, so I don’t have to work. I spend hours reading a book, writing in my journal and cleaning my house a bit.

It’s about 6 o’clock when my phone starts ringing.

‘’Hello?’’

‘’Hi, is this Lexa? I hear an unknown but kind voice say

‘’Yes, this is her speaking.’’

‘’Hi, this is Raven. I’m calling you to let you know where and how late you can come meet us. Anya told you right?’’

‘’Yeah, she asked my last night. Why didn’t she text me? I ask

I hear Raven laugh. ‘’She forgot to do so, as usual. So I decided to call you on her phone instead. She is in the shower right now.’’

‘’Hmm…. Alright. How late are we meeting, and where?’’

‘In two hours, at Grounders. We’re eating dinner there first before going to Sky Bars. Is that okay?’’

I hum in response. ‘’Yes, that’s fine. I’ll be there.’’

‘’Okay great, I’ll see you there. ‘’

‘’Bye’’ I say

‘’Oh yeah, Lexa?’’ raven asks

‘’Yes?’’

‘’Thank you for coming. It means the world to Anya, and to me as well.’’

I smile, but after a couple of seconds I only realise that she can’t see me.

‘’I love her, and I’m sure you’re special to her as well. I haven’t met any of her girlfriends ever. So that says enough. ‘’

‘’Really?’’ Raven asks. I can hear the doubt in her voice.

‘’Yes, I’m sure. I have to go now. I’ll see you tonight.’’

‘’Bye’’ I hear Raven say before I hang up

 

* * *

 

Getting ready took me about an hour and I’m no standing on front of Grounders. Anya and Lincoln aren’t here yet. After a while I hear the soft clicking of a pair of heels. I look up and I’m face to face with Clarke.

‘’Uhh…. Hi.’’ She say

‘’Hi…..?’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is... the next chapter. Please tell me what you guys think of it. Do you like where this story is going, let me know!  
> Thanks for the kudos :)  
> And as always, feedback is always appreciated.


	6. Those Green Eyes

Clarke p.o.v.

 

Today I’m going to meet Anya and Lincoln. Since I have asked Raven and Octavia about them they haven’t stopped talking about them. I guess it’s the real deal. I can’t wait to meet them and see how and why they make Raven and Octavia so happy.

We all decided to meet up at Grounders to eat something, before going to the Sky Bar. As I was approaching the restaurant I recognized the person standing in front of it.  It’s Lexa. By thinking about her I instantly smile. I guess she heard me walking towards her, because the moment I reach her she look up.

  
‘’Uhh…. Hi.’’ I say

‘’Hi…..?’’

  
I laugh at the confusion on her face. ‘’Why the confused face?’’

Just as she wants to answer Raven and Octavia arrive with their bae’s.

‘’Heyy Clarkie, I actually expected that you were going to be too late.’’ Raven says with a wink and I glare at her, but laugh anyway.

Octavia clears her throat and says: ‘’Shouldn’t we introduce Clarke to everybody?’’

Raven begins to formally introduce me to Anya and Octavia does the same with Lincoln. During the introductions I can feel Lexa’s eyes following my every move. Finally I give in and meet her eyes. I seemed to forget how beautiful green her eyes are, because again I was captivated with them.

Then Anya decided to break the tension and spoke up. ‘’Everybody, I want you guys to meet my sister Lexa.’’ Anya introduces her to Raven and Octavia and then turns to me. I smile to her and say: ‘’Hi Lexa, nice to see you again.’’.

She just smiles at me shyly and decides to enter the restaurant. As Anya and Lincoln follow her inside I get some confused stares from Octavia and Raven, but I just shake my head to let them know I’ll explain later.

 

* * *

 

Seated at the table I can’t help but stare at Lexa again. I remember how broken and distraught she looked. She has composed herself now, but if you really pay attention you can see those emotions floating in her eyes. Lost in thought I didn’t hear Octavia my name.

Eventually Raven lays her hand on my shoulder to snap my out of it. She looks at me with concerned eyes.

‘’Are you okay?’’ She whispered in my ear. ‘’Yeah I’m fine, sorry…’’

I smile and wink at her and at that moment the waiter comes to get our orders.

We all order what we want and the conversation starts to flow. Anya and Octavia start talking about Martial Arts, and Lincoln and Raven start fangirling about some band they both love.  
  
Again I can feel eyes staring at me. I look up and look back at Lexa. She starts blushing and looks down. I start blushing as well. What is going on with me? Why am I acting like a fucking fifteen year old girl. I decided to make a move and ask her a question. ‘’I guess bumping into   is our thing now, huh?’’

She looks back up and chuckles. ‘’Apparently it is, Clarke.’’

I smile at her. Clarke Clarke Clarke Clarke Clarke Clarke Clarke. The way she says my name is hypnotizing.  
´´So… you know Raven and Octavia?’’

‘’Uh, no I don’t actually. This is the first time I met them. Lincoln and Anya both told me about them and wanted me to meet them and their ‘best friend’. I think that’s you right?’’

‘’I think so yeah.’’

We smile at each other and the waiter arrives with our food. Conversations quiet down and everybody enjoys their dish silently.

As the night passes everybody has had a talk with each other, some like on better than the other. But other than their first conversation Lexa and Clarke haven’t talked much. Eventually Lincoln and Anya step up and pay the bill, even though the rest doesn’t agree.

 

They all get their coats and walk outside, the conversation starting to erupt again.

‘Anya and I are gonna watch a movie at my place. Do you guys want to join us? Raven asks with a sweet smile.

Octavia and Lincoln decline, saying that they have plans their selves.  

‘’Hmm…. I bet you guys have plans….’’ Raven says with a smirk.

Lincoln laughs at that and drags a glaring Octavia with him.

‘’Love you too babe!!’’ Raven yells at Octavia.

‘’Do you want to join us Lexa, Clarke?’’

 

I’m really doubting if I should join them. I don’t think I can handle that alone.

I look at Lexa and wait for her answer.

‘’Uhm, I wouldn’t want to impose.’’

‘’Oh shush Lexa, you know you wouldn’t be imposing. Besides, Clarke will be joining us too. So you’ll have some company if Anya and I indeed decide to go to our room.’’

I laugh loudly at that and decide to speak up. ‘’So now I’m watching a movie with you, huh?’’

 

Raven smirks at us and starts walking towards our apartment. I follow her and let Anya and Lexa have their moment.  They walk close behind us do its easy for Raven and I to hear the  conversation.

‘’Are you sure you want to come, Lex? You don’t have to, you know that right?’’

‘’I know Anya, but I want to. It has been a long time since I have met some of you friends, especially your girlfriend, and I love to spend time with you. Besides, I can’t leave Clarke alone with you guys. You are awful, it would cause a trauma.’’

Anya laughs loudly at that and I can hear Raven chuckle next to me.

 

‘’So, what is the deal with you and Lexa?’’ I look at Raven and see a smirk on her face.

I smile at her question. Normally I would get irritated, but with Lexa it’s different. I haven’t even spoken to her much, but still. I feel something and I don’t know what it is.

‘’I’ll tell you and Octavia when there is something to tell.’’ I tell her with a smirk.

  
We arrive at our apartment and take of our shoes and heels. Raven picks a film and makes everybody some popcorn with Anya.

‘’You can pick a spot on the couch I you want.’’ I tell Lexa. ‘’If I was you I wouldn’t sit on the loveseat. That’s Raven’s spot. She’ll go crazy when somebody decides to sit there. ‘’

 

Lexa chuckles at that and sit right in the middle of the couch, making it hard for me to keep some space between us. Our couch isn’t very big. I decide to sit on her left side and relax.

I can feel Lexa tensing up though.

‘’You okay?’’ I ask as I touch her arm and I can feel her slowly relax.

‘’Yes, thank you, Clarke.’’

I smile as I hear her say my name.

 

Anya and Raven come back with a movie and two large bowls of popcorn. They start the movie and get comfortable in the loveseat, Lexa chuckling beside me because of that.

Halfway the film I look at Raven and Anya and see that they both fell asleep. I look beside me and see that Lexa has her eyes closed as well. I slowly lift up my hand and touch her the scar on her cheek softly. Instantly I’m met with intense, but vulnerable green eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, lovely people. Thank you all for taking time reading my story. I hope you guys will chapter.  
> Life has been crazy, that's why updating isn't going very smoothly. I'm sorry! I'll try to update moer frequently.  
> Feedback is always welcome! And I love me some kudos ;)


	7. You don't have to hide from me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, it has been a while. I'm not coming with bullshit excuses as to why I'm so late updating. Life is life, you guys understand. 
> 
> I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter tho...  
> Feedback is always appreciated :)  
> And kudos are da best

**Lexa p.o.v.**

As I try to watch the movie if feel my eye are getting more tired by the minute. Eventually is give up the fight and close them. I don’t know how much time has passed, but suddenly I feel warm soft hand come in contact with my cheek. And not just my cheek,  but the scar on my cheek. The scar from the last time I saw him....

I instantly open my eyes and am greeted with the sight of two ocean blue ones. I hear a voice in my head screaming to run away, to get up and leave and never come back. But there’s this need inside of me, a feeling that is telling me to stay. And through these different feeling I’m going through, I see something change in Clarke.

At first when I opened my eyes I saw fear, curiosity, desperation and caution. Now I see peace, understanding and something else I can’t place.  

Even though my heart says no, I slowly distance myself from Clarke’s touch. The last thing I expected her to do was to follow my movement and come even closer to me. I look down trying to grow some confidence and build up the mask I've learned to put on when needed. But then I feel a soft hand under my chin raising me head and again I'm met with an ocean of blue.

“you don’t have to hide from me”. And those are the words that I needed to hear. I close my eyes, trying to hide the tears that are starting to form and slowly open my eyes again.

What is it in this girls demeanour that changes so much for me. That makes me think I can trust het?

 

* * *

 

**Clarke p.o.v.**

I can see all the emotions flashing through her eyes and it scares me. What has possibly happened to such an beautiful amazing woman, that has made her so insecure and closed off. I don’t know why I feel this pull towards her, but I can’t ignore it. The insecurity in her eyes and demeanor are the things that break me the most.

She pulls away from me but I don’t want her too. Instinctively, I follow her movement, wanting to keep her close. She instantly look down. I get a feeling she’s trying to hide herself from me. I raise her chin and open my mouth without planning on it.

“you don’t have to hide from me” and I feel all the tension leave her body. I can hear her breath waver and wait for her to calm down. I don’t think it’s a good idea to push anything so I ask her if she wants to crash here.  
“Anya was probably planning on sleeping here I think, you can go sleep in my bed I you want. I can take the couch”  
Lexa instantly shakes her head no and seems to have find her voice.  
“thank you for the offer Clarke. If you don’t mind I would like to stay here, I however wont sleep in your bed. It’s your house obviously, I wouldn't want to intrude your personal space like that”

I smile at her formality and stand up. “whatever you’re comfortable with Lexa. Do you want to change in something more comfortable, like pj’s and a t-shirt?”

Lexa’s grateful smile and nod make me go to my room to her some clothes, a pillow and a blanket. Walking back to the living room I hear movement in the bathroom. Guessing it’s Lexa I knock before entering and find Lexa putting her hair in a messy bun.

“here are your clothes, a pillow and some blankets. I’m going to my room to sleep, of course.” I don’t know why I’m suddenly so nervous. “if you need anything you can always come to my room. You don’t have to knock, and if I'm asleep just wake me. I won’t mind.”  
She smiles shyly and looks down again. “thank you Clarke, for your hospitality.”  
I chuckle at that.  
“you don't need to be so formal Lexa. You’re always welcome here.” I smile one more last time at her and walk out the bathroom.

Before entering my bathroom I hear a faint “goodnight Clarke” and smile before laying in my bed.

 

* * *

 

Lexa p.o.v.

After I changed into the clothes Clarke gave me I silently walk to the living room. Anya and Raven have apparently woken an moved Raven’s bedroom, because they’re nowhere to be found.  I lay down my pillow before laying down myself and pulling the blankets up to my chin. I look at the clock and see that it’s already 01:30 AM. I sigh and slowly close my eyes trying to get the sleep to wash over me.  Suddenly I’m startled by a sound. I get up and follow the faint noise I hear. When I enter the hallway Ii soon find out it’s coming from Clarke’s room.

Without any hesitance I enter her room, trying to find the intruder that is making so much sound. Sheen When I enter the room I’m met with a sight that breaks my heart. Clarke is tangled in her sheets, sweating and breathing heavenly while moving around wildly. I can sense symptoms like this anywhere. She’s having a nightmare.

I make my way to her bed and lay down next to Clarke trying to hold her. As soon as my hand make contact with her body she starts fighting back. I try to suppress her strength and hold her tight but she's very strong. I start humming the song Anya always sang to me and try to calm her down. Slowly her breath evens out.

I softly lay her down in the bed before laying down next to her. Moving away a few strands of her on her face she begins go stir. She slowly opens her eyes and move back from me. This makes me distance myself as well.  Seconds after that she seems to understand what had happened.

“I had a nightmare, didn’t it.” I only nod, unsure if a sound would leave me voice.

She slowly closed the distance between us until I can feel her breathing in my face. I feel her nose bumping against mine and I close my eyes. After that I can’t hold myself back and close the distance between me and Clarke the same second she does so. Her lips are so soft. I can feel my hear thumping in my chest and feel the sensation on my lips.

I slowly lift up my hand to caress her cheek and I feel her hands caressing my back and neck. Slowly the kiss ends and she presses her for head against mine. I slowly open my eyes and am met with closed eyes. Suddenly she makes and to the silence.

“thank you”

 

 


	8. What are you doing to me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankyou guys for reading this story. I wanted to put this mini chapter up as well. Let me know what you thing of the story so far. ❤

**Clarke p.o.v.**

The next morning I wake up with an extra weight on my body and hair covering my face. It takes me a few seconds to realise whose hair it is and where I am. The memories of the night before come rushing back and bring an instant smile to my face.

In my haze of thought I didn't notice Lexa waking up until I feel someone staring at me. I look down and come face to  face with the most beautiful, cute and sexy (how does she do that all at once) sight I’ve ever seen. Lexa is staring at me with a lazy smile, messed up hair glazy eyes. I smile at her. She blushes and tries to hide her face in the crook of my neck. I chuckle at that

“you’re cute, you know that?  
I feel Lexa trying to bury her face deeper in my neck.   
“Clarke stop. You’re making me blush”

That makes me chuckle again. Eventually she reveals her beautiful face and smiles shyly at me. I smell bacon and coffee in the distance. It makes my stomach growl loudly. I’m met with a sound I never want to forget. Lexa’s laugh is amazing.

“I guess you're hungry huh?” I smirk at that.   
“it depends on what I’m eating.”   
Again Lexa laughs out loud, and it makes me laugh. Suddenly she says:  
“you’re so beautiful when you laugh”  
It makes me blush but I try to hide it by joking with her  
“so I’m only beautiful when I laugh?

Instantly Lexa’s eyes are wide open, I can see a siren going of in them, and she starts rambling  
“oh no, God, you’re beautiful Clarke. Like next level shit beautiful. I- I’m sorry I offended you in any way. I was not my intention.” I could tell she was trying to get her act together.

While she was trying to find the words to continue I could feel my body moving towards her without my brains knowing why. I want to kiss her. I really want to. The only things I can focus on are how green het her eyes are and how soft her lips look. She starts rambling again but I cut her off.

“I really want to kiss you”   
This makes Lexa stop in  her tracks. I can see the shock in her face.   
“wait what?  
This makes me chuckle. I slowly cup her cheek and stare in her forest green eyes  
“I really want to kiss you Lexa”

I can see her struggle with what she should do next so I decide to make the move for her. I slowly close the distance between us and bump my nose into hers. I can feel her slowly lean her soft lips against mine.

 

* * *

 

**Lexa p.o.v.**

  
Holy shit. That’s all there is going on in my mind. This kiss is even better than the one from last night. I slowly move my lips against her. It feels like my body is on fire. I can feel my body reacting to her lips on my lips and her hands on my face.

I raise my hands and softly caress her cheek. I can feel her hum at that. Suddenly I feel her tongue against my lips, asking my for an entrance. I instantly open my mouth, meeting my tongue with hers. When our tongues meet we both release a moan.

Suddenly our moment is interrupted by two loud stomach growls. We slowly end the kiss and start laughing.  
“come Lex, let’s get us some coffee and bacon. Raven is a sarcastic asshole, but she can definitely cook us some good breakfast.”

She stands up and pulls me up of the bed as well. She drags me to the door, but I pull her back. I’m met with confused eyes and before she can say anything I softly kiss her one last time. I softly bite on her lower lip before putting some distance between us.   
I step around her and walk through the door. When I turn around Clarke had barely even moved.

“Clarke, are you coming or not?” I say with a smirk smile on my face.  
She slowly turns around and walks past me, glaring at me. I laugh at that and walk behind her.   
Just before we reach the kitchen she suddenly turns around and whispers in my ear.

“I know what you did there. Beware Lexa, payback  is a bitch.” She slowly leaves a kiss on my earlobe and jawline before turning around and walking to the kitchen, where I can hear her greet Anya and Raven.

What is Clarke doing to me?


	9. The first of many

Clarke p.o.v.

After breakfast Lexa decided to leave.

Just as I was walking towards my room I heard her humming a song in the bathroom. It was the same song she sang to me last night. I can't help but smile at the memories of last night and this morning. So lost in thought I hadn't heard Lexa come out of the bathroom.

‘’What has got you smiling like that?’’ I look up and see her standing there in a shirt that she borrowed from me, her hair put in a long braid, and a curious look on her face.

I feel a blush coming up to my neck and cheeks and I look down. I see her feet take a step forward. Her arms wrap around me body and I feel her chin lean on my shoulder. My reaction is instant, I wrap my arms around her waist and I hide my face in her shoulder as well. I don’t know how long we stand there, but it makes me feel amazing.

After a while I feel her creating some distance between us. She raises me chin and before I know what happens I feel her soft lips on mine. I lift my hands up to her cheek and her hair. Slowly caressing her cheek I change our angle and slowly lick her lower lip.  

 

* * *

 

Lexa p.o.v.

Oh my god. I don’t know where all that courage came from. I don’t know how Clarke is making me feel this way. She makes me feel so at comfort. I don’t have to think about everything that has happened, and she doesn’t pressure me into telling her what happened.  She makes me feel safe, at home. And that feeling terrifies me. How can I feel so at ease with someone, while barely knowing her.

After one slow kiss I take a step back, while trying to slow my breathing. Clarkes hand never left my cheek and is still slowly caressing it. I lean into her hand and still can’t find the strength to open my eyes. When I do I’m met with the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Looking at me with so much love that it makes me emotional.

I can see her start to worry because of my reaction, but I silence her with one last kiss and walk towards the front door.

‘’I really have to go Clarke, but I do have one last question.’’ I say as she slowly walks to me.  
she smiles and asks: ‘’okay… what is it?’’

I blush and look down. ‘’um, do you… I mean.. dinner… um. Sorry, let me try this again. Would you like to go to dinner with me Clarke? Tonight. If you want.’’ Oh my god, I don’t think that could have gone worse.

She chuckles and takes the last few steps before giving me a slow but short kiss. ‘’I would love to.’’

After that I release  a breath I didn’t know I was holding, what makes Clarke chuckle again. She opens the front door for me. I walk thought the door and turn around. I smile one last time before walking away. I hear her say one thing before she closes the door.

‘’Pick me up at seven.’’ Just after I turn around to say something bank she winks at me and closes the door. I chuckle at that and make my way home.

 

* * *

 

 

Clarke p.o.v.

After Lexa left I didn’t do much. I tried to clean the apartment but as the word tried says, I didn’t really succeed. After that I painted for a while. Before I knew it was half past four, and that meant that I had to get ready for my date with Lexa.

Lexa. This girl is… I don’t even know if I can describe what I feel for her already. She makes me want to spill everything about my past. Her face when I touched her face was one of pure pain and vulnerability.  I can’t imagine what she must have been through. I know deep down in my heart that it won’t be easy to let her know that she can trust me. I know that it will take time.

Just after I finished my hair I hear a soft knock on my front door.  I yell ‘’It’s open!’’ before getting my purse and my jacket.

‘’You know it’s not safe to keep your door unlocked right?’’

Turning around for a comeback I’m suddenly speechless. ‘’Uh… your.. uhn I mean.. wow.’’ Lexa blushes and chuckles before walking towards me. She gives me a soft kiss.  
‘’You look beautiful too Clarke.’’ I blush. ‘’Are you ready to go?’’  
I nod before intertwining our fingers

While walking towards her car she suddenly pulls her hand away and fastens her pace. Before I can ask her why she does that, she unlocks the car and opens de door from the passenger seat.  
I chuckle at her. ‘’So chivalrous, my lady.’’  
She blushes before closing the door and walking around the car to get in.

 

* * *

 

 

Lexa p.o.v.

After reaching our destination I walk around the door to open the door for Clarke again. This time she doesn’t joke around and smile shyly at me.

I planned a picnic for us in a park I discovered a year ago. I take everything from the car and intertwine our hands again.  
‘’Is this the part where you kidnap me and kill me? Clarke jokes.  
I laugh at that and squeeze her hand.  
‘’Of course not Clarke. I hope you like picnics though.  
I like at her with hopeful eyes. She closes the distance between us and kisses me softly.  
‘’I love it. Thank you for this Lexa.’’


	10. Another shot

_Three months later_

**Lexa p.o.v.**

‘’Sooooo….. are you going to tell me what happened or are you just gonna sit there and watch me eat?’’  
I look up and look Octavia in the eye. She arches her eyebrow and me and takes a bite from the sandwish. I sigh.   
‘’Okay, I’ll tell you what happened. But it is kind of hard for you to help me, because I don’t even understand what happened myself. I was waiting in her room for her to come home after her shift at the bar. I wanted to surprise her with lunch so I set up her bed with . I got bored and I started looking at all of the pictures that are in her room. I picked one up with Finn on it, because she looked so happy in it. At that moment she came into the room and saw me with the picture in my hand. Instantly she started screaming for me to get out. I tried to ask her what was wrong, but she wouldn’t let me. After that she ripped the picture out of my hand and stormed out of the room.’’  
  
Without saying anything Octavia puts down her sandwish and stands up. She walk to her closet and rummages through a drawer. She takes out the same picture that I was looking at and gives the picture to me.   
‘’Was this the picture that you were looking at?’’  
I nod.   
‘’look at the back of the picture’’  
I turn the picture around and I see the date of today but from another year. Oktober 29th, 2008.    
When I look up from the picture Octavia has tears in her eyes.   
‘’This picture was taking the day of the accident.’’

Instantly I understand what this means. I pick up my bag and phone and stand up.  
‘’Where are you going?’’  
‘’I have to look for her ofcourse. How could I be so stupid?’’  
‘’Lexa, you didn’t know. How could you have prevented this?’’  
She gives me a sad smile.   
‘’Do you know where she is?’’  
‘’I might have an idea. If I can’t find her I’ call you.’’  
I hug Octavia and exit the apartment. Now let’s hope that Clarke actually is where I think she is.

 

* * *

 

**Clare p.o.v.**

After a long shift I finally get home. I’m so hungry that I could eat a fucking cow. I enter my apartment and put down my purse. I notice Lexa’s jacket laying on my couch. I could cry right now. I’m so happy that she’s here. Today is a hard day for me and she definitely makes me feel better.

I look in the kitchen but she’s not there. The only place she got be is my bedroom. As I enter the room I can see Lexa standing with a picture with Finn and me on it. Not just a picture, the picture. The last picture that we took together. The picture we took before we got in the car.

‘’Lexa what the fuck do you think you’re doing? Get out!’  
‘’Clarke, what’s wrong?’’  
“’Lexa, GET OUT!’’  


Lexa’s face screams confusion and hurt. But I couldn’t care less. I take the picture out of her hand and storm out of the room. I hear a faint ‘Clarke’ in the back round, but I don’t  want anybody near me right now. I have to get out.

I leave my apartment and run to the only place where I want to be right now. My parents and Finn.   
When I reach their graves I finally let go of my tears.  
‘’Mom, Dad, I miss you. I don’t want to do this anymore. I…..i don’t even know how to describe the hurt that I’m feeling when I think about the fact that you’re no longer here.’’  
I look at Finn’s gravestone.   
‘’And Finn, I want you to be here with me, and Octavia and Raven. And I know that that’s not possible. I just wish I could hug you one last time. ‘’  
I take out the picture and look at it. I inhale and exhale slowly.   
‘’I have to tell you guys something. Or rather, I have to tall you guys about someone. Her name is Lexa. I met her when I returned to Jaïr for a session after a long time of postponing. I bumped into her when I tried to leave the building. We’ve been dating for three months now and I have never felt this way before. But because of that I feel so guilty. My love for you Finn, was never the love that you deserved and that you gave to me. The love that I feel now, for Lexa, is a love that I know only happens ones in your life. I know I need to let you go, but it is just so hard.’’  
I take a moment to breath.  Suddenly I see a shadow hovering over me. A soft voice speaks.   
‘’ I thought I might find you here. ‘’

I stand up and turn around. The woman that I was speaking about not even ten seconds ago is standing her in front of me. In all her beauty and grace I can still see the uncertainty and hesitance that she is carrying. Almost instantly I develop her in a hug.   
‘’I’m so sorry that I stormed out like that. It’s just hard for me to talk about. And I know that I should’ve been honest, but I didn’t know how. Lexa, you know how much you mean to me and I hope that this doesn’t change what we have.’’  
Suddenly she ends the hug and takes a step back.   
‘’Clarke, this does change our relationship.’’  
I close my eyes, as I want to hide the tears that are welling up in my eyes. Suddenly I can fell a soft hand caressing my cheek. I open my eyes and am greeted with soft and loving green eyes staring back at me.

  
‘’The moment yhat you ran out I was confused. I didn’t understand what I did wrong. After you left I went to Octavia with our lunch and asked her for her help in return for the sandwiches that I brought. She told me what this picture meant you. When I was driving my car I had the time to thinkg about everything that I felt when you left. The main emotions that I was feeling was fear. The fear of losing you.’’  
Her eyes well up and a few tears fall down. I lift my hand to wipe away her tears.   
‘’this moment made me realize that you’re it for me. Clarke, I love you.’’  
She takes a step back to distance herself for me. She starts pacing.

‘’And I know that we haven’t know each other for a long time, but these feelings that I have developed for you aren’t something that I take lightly. I just want you to know that I will always be here for you and I could never leave you after something like this. It makes me care for you more, because I know that I can help you get through this. Just as you help me get through my past.’’

I slowly inhale and exhale as I close my eyes. Just as I’m ready to say what I want to say, I feel soft lips brushing against mine. My breath hitches and at first I’m not sure what to do. But after 1 second I kiss back. This is Lexa. This is my Lexa. How could I not kiss her back? I love this woman.   
  
I end our kiss and brush my nose against her.   
‘’I love you too Lexa, so so much.’’

She smiles and brushes her lips softly against mine.   
‘’I always prayed to God for another life, for a second chance at a life that I never had. When I’m with you Lexa, I feel like I don’t need that. God gave me a second shot at a better life. You are that second chance, and I couldn’t thank Him enough for you.''

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to admit that I abandoned this story. There are no excuses. Because of that, I decided to write one chapter to end this story. That way it will not be seen as just another unfinished story. But as one that has a rather open, but hopeful ending to it. I hope that you all enjoyed this story and learned as much from it as I have. I you have any question about the story or something else, please do not be afraid to ask them. 
> 
> Again thank you, for taking the time to read my story.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic! I hope you enjoy it. Maybe it helps you reading it, as it helps me writing it. Feedback is always appreciated.


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